The sticker I didn't earn

Content warning first, even though it reveals how this ends: this is about a loss of a beloved pet cat.

This summer, I went on possibly the most adventurous vacation trip I ever had so far, now, it was not that crazy, of course not, I just took a bunch of trains to Helsinki and then back, circling around the Baltic sea, visiting 8 or 9 capitals and staying in most of them for several nights. People do crazier things for sure, but for me, this was quite a lot. And it was really nice, there were no regrets and almost no issues (except for Deutsche Bahn, of course). While in Helsinki, I went to the Tuska metal festival and bought a little nice sticker in some merch stand there, which is where this stops being a travel blogpost.

Someone asked me repeatedly what did I expect from an event called Tuska. I thought that, when it comes to the name, little pain from the loud music hitting an inner ear inflammation or whatever I had and being somewhat cold would cover it.

What a lovely sticker, isn't it. My cat Kristýna was staying with someone else outside of Prague while I was away. During that time, she got sick with what was probably a respiratory disease of sorts, she was treated by a local vet and her condition quickly improved, recovering fully before I would see her again. However she also grayed noticeably on her head and tail and other previously uniformly black haired parts. That was quite shocking to me when I saw her again, we attributed it to possibly the antibiotics she was prescribed. Which is a sensible explanation I guess. I don't really have a lot of details about the illness and as she had no symptoms anymore, well, it didn't seem all too important.

I then took her back home and she was just fine, happy to be back home, doing all her usual things such as screaming, screaming, more screaming, occasional vomiting and demanding to sit on my lap. Same as the previous 12 years with her. Of course, I was bit concerned about the grey hair and given her age, I thought I was watching her more closely. In the late October, she started to sneeze quite badly. As it was almost two months since she was with another cat, I took her to a vet, being somewhat concerned about it. But they didn't really tell me anything is wrong, it probably wasn't. Supposedly it could have been just a random virus and I may have infected her with it. There was no treatment and it improved and then disappeared in just few days.

Other things have happened during that time and it led to the previous Friday being my last day in the old job and in the few weeks before starting a new one, I wanted to once again visit Helsinki and after experiencing the longest day of the summer solstice, why not see the shortest one too? Great plan. I tend to be a rather anxious person, so of course, I was quite uneasy about things and may have not noticed several oddities. Kristýna ate less and also once I caught her peeing in the bathtub. That's rather annoying, but cats do behave rather annoyingly sometimes and she was clever about it, peeing basically directly into the drain, not leaving any trace of anything in the bathtub itself. Too clever sometimes. What I probably should have noticed more is she had some difficulty peeing.

I should make a big "this is not a medical advice" note here. But it is, please, pay attention to the similar behavior and symptoms with your cat, especially if older. This is of course just one case in one cat observed by someone with no qualification in the field, so you need to treat it accordingly, but if you are thinking that your cat may have similar issues and whether you should have it somehow checked, you probably should. It could also be something completely else or nothing at all. Keep that in mind too.

I wanted to take her to another place to stay during my vacation, we'd go there on Friday after I leave the office, but during the Thursday night, I noticed significant sudden weight loss and also that I was throwing out a lot of uneaten food in the last few days. That was very concerning. On Friday morning, she didn't really eat at all and when I came back from the office, it was all still untouched. I was not quite sure, but in the end, I took her to the vet instead. I will name names here and it will not make the clinic look good, but I can back this up and I don't want to hurt anyone, it's just the experience I had. I'd even tell you to go there for things like vaccination or so, they handle it OK I think.

We'd previously go to Veterina Erika in Holešovice (they used to be near Palmovka), I had a decent experience there before. They have a 24/7 emergency service and they helped to calm me down in one or two previous instances when Kristýna had some issue. There was nothing really visibly wrong with Kristýna on Friday, except for the weight loss and no appetite. They did some blood tests and said there is nothing wrong, asking me to come tomorrow for an ultrasound to have a look at her stomach. I mean, OK, I could be just panicking. I wish I was just panicking.

But on Saturday, her state worsened very rapidly. She refused any food, acted confused and didn't want most interaction she usually wanted. She would also drink more than normally and then started breathing faster and more shallowly. We went to the vet with this, I am not 100% sure what exactly did I say (I try to describe anything I can remember during the visits, maybe even trivial or misleading observations). The doctor got really focused on the short breath and wanted to keep her overnight, even after the ultrasound. I agreed to that, hoping it's a good idea. Later that day, they called me they had found some fluid in her stomach and what they diagnosed as heart problems and that they put her in an oxygen chamber to improve the breathing. That was bit of a shock, but ok, at least they found and treated the condition?

She was there for two more nights, after this first call, I always had to call them, they'd never proactively report on anything and they never really had much to say. At first they said they'd do a repeated ultrasound, but then they did not. But they were claiming she is breathing better and that seemed to matter the most. And at least someone's there to look after her. I have no qualification or equipment to do anything. Anyway, on Tuesday they told me she can go home and I got her back. She was still not eating, but they seemed confident it would improve and was not as important as the breathing. Fair enough? Suggested a checkup with a cardiologist a week later, but then I went to make an appointment and they just said there will be nobody until after the new year. Uh, OK? I mean, I understand everyone is busy and I don't want to take anyone's time from other cats who also need help.

At first, Kristýna was obviously happy to be back. Meowed and chirped again. I also went to grab some meds for her they prescribed, most importantly some diuretics which they were using to treat their diagnosis (branded as Furon, not sure what exactly it is). Then it got worse. She got lethargic again. She was trying to lie but could not, she would repeatedly go around the flat between her favorite sleeping spots, but none would work, she tried to lie down but it wasn't good for her, so she would try again and again, until managing awkwardly, obviously something was hurting. During the night, she would wander around and just look at things, lie in spots she'd never really lie before, in weird positions. I'd wake up ever hour to check on her and it felt desperate. Still rejected all food. I went to the pet store before and brought back kind of everything. There was some super smelly thing and she looked at it with interest, even licked it, but no. She couldn't eat it. Wouldn't.

In the morning, I got even more desperate. Got recommended another vet, called them and they didn't have anyone who could see her quickly, however they gave me some other contacts, so I ended up calling Medicanima once more near Palmovka. They were willing to see us and suggested we come there. We had to wait for few hours, but eventually there was a doctor to see Kristýna. This new doctor had much more sober tone and asked right away if I am willing to spend possibly a lot of money just for a diagnosis that may be hopeless. I was and she promised some specific tests that day and more later. Kristýna would once more stay there, but this time, they'd also take into account the eating and would feed her with a tube and so on.

In the evening that day, the doctor called me back with her report, which had nothing on the heart condition (not saying the cat doesn't have any, but that she didn't find anything significant using xray and other tests), however Kristýna did have extremely bad (literally "my instrument can't measure this, it's off the chart") results when it comes to her kidney function. Retrospectively, this all made sense now? Maybe even too much, so there must be some confirmation bias on my side, however, not eating, struggling to pee, drinking, it would all make sense with that explanation.

So she'd be treated for that. During the night, she did reportedly pee by herself and at least she wasn't in danger of starvation because of the feeding. Then they called me in the morning again with not a lot of news, but not a lot was expected. I asked for a visit later and they told me to come late afternoon. I went there and the mood was more optimistic, though more in a sense of "there's some hope, if she recovers, she can still have some good life", the doctor herself described it as fighting spirit. Kristýna was really lethargic with all the probes and so on, but did react to me and I could be with her for a while. I left still very scared, but hoping for something. There would be more tests tomorrow and we'd know how good the chance may be.

During the night, I had vivid dreams of her still being with me, purring next to me, I even thought she is with me begging for food in the morning as she always did. She was not. There was a missed call on the phone. I forgot to add the vet to the exception list for the iOS sleep mode. I am this dumb. Yes. Either way, called back and...

Kristýna died that night. There probably was very little hope after all and now there was none. All the Medicanima staff treated it professionally and I know they tried, I thank them for what they have done. I am less positive about the other vet now and I wouldn't go there again. I am not saying they are at fault, maybe anyone else would have came up with the same diagnosis and maybe it was already too late, but their approach was clearly not as good.

Only things I can learn from this... that it's alright to ask for a second opinion (I felt like inappropriately doubting the experts if I were to do that), it's ok to demand specific information from your vet (you're not playing an expert yourself). I don't know if there is anything to learn about this specific case. Cats are good at hiding diseases and your mind is not good at recognizing it. I am not even sure I am going to publish this article. I just needed to write it.

At last, the sticker. I don't think I earned it. I lost my cat, had to cancel the second Helsinki trip, had a nightmare week instead of resting after leaving the old job. Me this, me that. I can't speak for my cat. I hope she had a good life. But myself, I will keep the sticker in the drawer.